6 Ways to Become a People Magnet
Have you ever noticed that some people just seem to naturally attract people around them? Often they don't seem to have the "gifts" we think they should have: looks, talent, social standing etc. But yet, some people just have a way with others. They seem to to be able to make their new best friend while standing in line at the grocery store. When they walk into a room, energy seems to flow in with them, lighting up the room so to speak.
So what is their secret sauce? What is it that these people have that leaves the rest of us scratching our heads?
In his book How to Make Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie covers chapter after chapter of little nuggets of simple wisdom in how to be a "people person". Chapter 2 is titled: 6 Ways to Make People Like You. Just this chapter alone can help us on our way to being "that person" that everyone wants to be around.
1. Be Genuinely Interested in People
In this chapter Dale Carnegie gives the example of how dogs greet their "tribe". Dogs are not shy about letting us know how they feel and about being overly excited about seeing us again. Commonly, they will wag their tail, jump up to greet us and even turn around in circles to show just how excited they are that we have come home. They are genuinely happy to see us.
Now, of course, we can't go jumping up to greet people and we certainly won't wag our tails, but we can definitely let the other person know that they are important to us. Our facial expression, our #body language and our tone of voice are all ways we can communicate our interest in the other person. Be genuine - it is not about impressing people just to be on their good side. People can see right through false sincerity.
Step 1: Be real and be interested!
Dale carnegie writes " A smile says " I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you."
He gives an example of people waiting in a doctor's office, sitting around glumly waiting to be called. In walks a young mother (with her baby and a kitten) who sits down beside an elderly man. The baby smiles (as babies do) at him and suddenly a conversation begins and the elderly man begins sharing about his own grandchildren. The baby's smile changed the atmosphere.
A smile can come through even on the phone, through our voice. Facial expression and tone of voice are both ways to smile. Try not smiling when your tone of voice is smiling.
A smile can open "doors" where opportunities were closed. A smile is worth $money in the bank. It is like rolling out the red carpet.
Dale Carnegie quotes this Chinese proverb, which sums up the importance of smiling:
"A man without a smile must not open shop."
Step 2: Smile!
3. Remember Names
What is the most important word to a person? His name. Names are our business card to the world. They are a reflection of who we are and we strive hard to protect our name (our reputation), to keep it above reproach.
When we make the effort to remember and and call a person by their name, we are paying them a sincere compliment and raising them in value. We are, in essence, saying to them "you are important to me and I recognize you as unique."
Calling people by their name endears us to them, builds a connection and, in the business world, can even be a contributing factor to our #success.
So, what can we, who have trouble remembering names, do? It really comes down to actively listening and focusing when someone tells us his name. And then we can use mental tricks to remember it such as repeating the name or coming up with a simple sentence to lock it into our mind.
Step 3: Remember names.
4. Be a Good Listener
Being a good listener is key to making a connection with others. People simply want to be heard; they want an audience, a sympathetic ear, someone to hear their story, their experience. Good listeners are rare, but so refreshing.
As Dale Carnegie writes, " Most people are far more interested in themselves, their life, their situation than they are in our problems."
Being a good listener compliments the other person. It sends them the message that what they are saying has value. We are far more likely to endear ourselves to the other person if we show we care by listening carefully and intentionally to what they are saying.
Intentional listening also helps us to avoid miscommunication and can certainly be useful in alleviating or de-escalating conflict.
Step 4: Be a good listener!
5. Talk about What the Other Person Likes to Talk about.
People love to talk about themselves and their interests. They love to share their stories and experiences. Since we are all generally like this, it can be hard to put our own interests on the back burner and focus on the other person's interests. We would much prefer to jump in with a 'story topper" or turn the conversation around to something we want to talk about. But focusing on the other person's interests is a better way for them to like us.
We can begin by asking them questions (small talk) about their life (family, work, activities). We can, as president Theodore Roosevelt liked to do, research the person's interests beforehand or we can simply take a focused interest in what is pertinent to them and ask questions, show interest, listen and compliment. The goal is for the other person to feel that we care about his life and his activities or interests.
Step 5: Talk about their interests!
6. Make the Other Person Feel Important
Everyone wants to feel that they matter. We all want people to notice us. We want people to comment on the new haircut, the new outfit we are wearing, the quality of our work, our accomplishments etc. We want people to notice our uniqueness.
The number one basic emotional need is to feel appreciated. We can appreciate people in so many ways, big or small. Simple courtesies like saying "thank you" can make all the difference. We can often find a small thing about the person to compliment and offer a sincere appreciation.
Everyone has something he can teach us. We can recognize this in subtle ways, giving them the message that they have helped us, or taught us something. We can show our admiration for something they have accomplished, be it ever so small.
Step 6: Make the person feel important!
What tips could you add? I Would love to hear from you.
Sharing ideas is the game and life is for living
Diana's passions are family, travel, self-improvement, living a debt-free/financially free life. She also loves hanging out with family, friends and being with her dog, Skye. You can connect with her through livingandstuff.com.